2013 is almost over…..and what a year it’s been….I started thinking back at this time last year and am truly amazed at how far I’ve come as a person, how much I’ve grown in my faith, and how much stronger my relationships are because of all of the above. OH and I get to be a Mommy too 🙂
I’m not much on New Years Resolutions…I tend to keep them about as long as it takes me to get them out of my mouth 🙂 It’s just not my thing. But this year there are things that I do want to try to do or continue to do as I move into a new year and a new and exciting chapter in mine and Justin’s life. When I think back about years – and monumental years – 2013 is going to stand out for sure. I’ve learned so much about myself and so much about my faith that I’m excited to see what comes next! I’ve never been sad on New Years Eve, I’m always hopeful. Hopeful that the following year is going to be everything I dream of and more. And 2013 definitely proved that fact to be true!
We started the year wishing, hoping and praying that we would be blessed with a child. We made a decision for me to have surgery in February and I just KNEW that was going to be the answer to our prayers. I remember waking up in recovery and asking my Dr “Can I have a baby?” and he said “Yes sweetheart – you can have a baby” and I just cried…some of which I’m sure was all of the wonderful drugs I was on 🙂 And some was just pure relief. I had surgery because he just KNEW my tubes were blocked. So at my follow-up appointment, he told me they in fact were not blocked. I remember leaving that appointment feeling defeated. NOT blocked? You mean to tell me I went through that surgery for NOTHING? Then came the shots….and for those of you who haven’t experienced fertility shots – understand how blessed you are. My emotions were all OVER the place….not to mention they didn’t work and were incredibly expensive. The 2nd time they didn’t work was by far my lowest point of the entire fertility journey. I had chalked up 2013 to a loss and it was only April. I’m sure part of it was the hormones and drugs, but I was in a low place. Then one night Justin and I sat down and made 2 key decisions. 1 – we were joining a pool over the summer. I was going to relax, enjoy the sun and friends and just forget about this journey as much as possible. And 2 – we were going back to the clomid. Forget the expensive drugs, forget all of this – I had met my deductible so we kept seeing the Dr, but I did it as more of a formality then I did with hope. I gave up – I was convinced that we were going to have to move to IVF or adoption. Both of which were not in our budget. So I just gave up. I remember driving to work one morning and out loud just saying “God I quit – I can’t do this anymore by myself. I just can’t.” That’s also when I started this blog. I never EVER in a million years knew the amount of peace and love I would feel from the support of starting this blog. And 7 months later, that very first blog post would turn out to sum up my 2013 perfectly.
I was looking back at some of my old blogs yesterday and found a comment from my Aunt Agnes that literally made me stop in my tracks and cry. It summed up 2013 for me. It was on my very first blog post and she said “I believe I will receive a message from you & Justin in the next 45 days saying your prayers (and everyone else’s) have been answered”. Now that was on May 1st. I found out I was pregnant June 14th. 45 days later….Now you have to understand the amount of faith that my Aunt Agnes has. It’s indescribable. She is my Grandma’s sister (on my Dads side). Grandma had a faith like that too – unbreakable, unwavering, and oh SO strong. My Grandma died 18 years ago in May. She was the only grandma I was lucky enough to know – and Agnes was always my favorite Great Aunt on that side! I just loved everything about her from the time I was little until now. And her faith and Grandma’s faith is still helping to guide me…Literally 45 days later I was pregnant. God works in mysterious ways. But I had to give up and totally give up to get where I am today. And just have a little faith 🙂
I say all of that to say in 2014 I pray that I can have faith like my Grandma and my Aunt Agnes. I know it will take LOTS of practice to get to where they are 🙂 There are SO many people who have helped shape my life and who I know will help shape my boy’s lives and for that I am grateful. Agnes and Grandma are just 2 people who have helped show me how important it is just to have faith. 🙂 God always takes care of his people – just in his time…which I’m realizing slowly but surely is indeed perfect timing!
A little update on the boys 🙂 They are doing FANTASTIC! I had been going to the Dr every week because she was still concerned about the size difference between Baby A and Baby B. On my last appointment, last Monday she said that the boys and I were doing so great we could skip a week! YAAAAY!!!! Baby A is HUGE for twins weighing 4 lbs 3 ozs and Baby B is big for twins weighing 3 lbs 9ozs…Justin says apparently I’m growing offensive linemen 🙂 Either way I have 2 incredibly healthy, growing boys! We had a decision to make a few weeks ago about how I was going to deliver. Baby A is head down and Baby B is transverse. After lots of prayers, thoughts and discussions we decided to go ahead and schedule a C-Section. Justin and I just feel it’s safest for the boys and will help ease our minds 🙂 The date is TBD – but she wants to wait until I’m 38 weeks which is the 2nd week of February 🙂 I’m so incredibly thankful for all of the prayers that have gotten us this far. To be still up, working and moving around at 32 weeks pregnant with twins is one thing, to be talking about keeping them in there for another 6 weeks is another. I am so thankful to have such healthy growing boys! 🙂
What do I want 2014 to bring? It’s really not up to me. I know that my house will be filled with love – and lots of it! Quickly 🙂 I know that there are going to be tough times….I’m sure there will be times where I question if I’m really cut out to be a parent, much less a parent to twins! I’m sure it’s going to be a constant reminder that God has the perfect plan and I just need to keep the faith. I know there are going to be struggles, but looking back at how 2013 started – I would go through those struggles 100 times over to get to the joy I feel at this moment with the boys both kicking away 🙂 It’s these little moments that remind me – God will take care of us. All 4 of us are going to be JUST fine 🙂 I’m thankful for 2013 and all of the lessons it taught me. I’m thankful for family and friends and for my Aunt Agnes and her faith 🙂 OH and for the most perfect blessings of all that will make their grand entrance soon!!!
Happy New Year! ~ Love, The Garlands
One Day At a Time... 